Will

It was dark. And I stood in front of the mirror, saw the silhouette of a girl. Hair open, tall, and nothing else. A black eye staring back at me. Eye filled with questions, happiness, sadness, doubt and anger. An eye which glowed, which witnessed the best and the worst. The eye which held people with love, which held people with hate, which shed thousands of tears for everyone. The eye which held the silhouette with wonder.

The wind kept blowing off the curtains. I remembered the times I looked beautiful, times I looked my worst. The mirror saw it all. Saw me getting ready to impress, saw me getting ready in a hurry, saw me getting ready with groans. It was honest about how I looked. It was always brutally honest, it was the eye who deceived.

The night seemed to get darker as the clock hands ticked by. The silhouette on the mirror began to disappear. I could hardly see anything. It was all black. Black, my favourite colour. Maybe cause it is very similar to my mind. Dark. Filled with facts, filled with stories re-arranged, filled with moments which will never be disclosed, filled with questions which will never be answered, conflicts with the stupid heart.

I sat down on the cold floor, my heart beating slower and slower, my breathing- the only sound, the moon kept getting covered by the clouds. I saw people texting me, loving me cause I am the nicest person they have ever seen. They love me, they really do. People hate me too. Cause I am bad, really bad. I layed on the floor. The cold kept spreading in my limbs. I remember smiling faces, I remember frowning faces, but I can’t remember the faces exactly. How was their eyes? How did they smile? How they looked like?

I just texted a few funny things to people, they think I am funny. They think I am happy. I mean, why not?
My eyes start to close, drops of water fall out from the side, my mind starts swirling, I don’t get what song is playing anymore. People keep texting me, they want more of me. They want to be with me, without my demons. Without the monsters I pet in me. Hazy pictures of good times and clear pictures of worst times comes in flashes. I feel myself falling into a deep pit. I feel something else, suddenly. A hand on mine, a hand caught me, saved me from falling, but then won’t even pick me up. Just kept holding it. I couldn’t see the face, but it was a face I wished it to be. And there I was in darkness and you kept me dangling there. I wanted you to let go, but you won’t. I struggled to get rid of your strong grasp, I cried, I fought. A huge storm arouse, it was raining heavily, I thought you will leave, I found your hand loosening but soon the rain stopped and you tightened it. I kept screaming and begging you to leave me, to let me die in that abyss, but you still hold me by my fingers. And I keep fighting for my death.